I had a crush on a girl in my class and would often imagine the two of us together, lying in her bed, dressed only in our underwear, sharing a kiss. That spring, our class went on a field trip. We packed bags filled with sandwiches and drinks, and early in the morning, we boarded the bus, buzzing with excitement for the day ahead. I sat with Lenny in a seat between the back row and the bus door. The last row was reserved for the coolest kids. While I had a good status in my class and was considered cool, sitting in the back row never really mattered to me. The sun was already shining brightly as we began our journey, heading towards the mountains that loomed over the suburbs.
We sang songs, shared jokes over the bus microphone, and had a great time. I noticed that some of my friends already had cell phones, which made me feel a bit curious and amazed. At one point, an overwhelming sense of life’s fleeting nature washed over me, as if one day my friends might no longer be here. That thought brought tears to my eyes. The bus stopped shortly after, and we all sat down for lunch. However, my tears continued to flow in front of the boys, girls, and teachers. Everyone seemed puzzled as to why I was crying, and even my teacher tried to console me. Eventually, I managed to stop, though the moment felt awkward. I don’t recall my teacher or parents ever discussing the incident afterward. When I got home and entered my room, I took a piece of paper and wrote the words, ‘I’m stupid and worthless,’ then placed it on the closet. A few days later, my father found the note and asked me why I felt that way. I struggled to find the right words to explain.
Life at school returned to normal, and my crying was quickly forgotten. Despite that, Dad bought me a new bike—a cool one with front and rear suspension. Now that I was a bit older, I was allowed to ride my bike to Lenny’s house. We spent time there, watching his brother play Call of Duty Multiplayer. It was a war game where you could choose to play as the ‘Axis’ or ‘Allies’ team, and the goal was to eliminate the opposing team members. The mode was called ‘Team Deathmatch,’ but there was also another mode called ‘Deathmatch,’ where everyone fought against each other. In Call of Duty, when you were killed, you’d respawn, and the player with the most kills at the end would win. It was very different from the games I played on my computer; being a 3D game, it looked quite realistic for its time. After we finished watching his brother play, I headed home. When I went to pick up my bike, Lenny’s younger brother brought it back to me, and the bike was completely destroyed. He probably broke it on purpose, and when he handed it to me, he just laughed. Lenny was also laughing, and I was left in shock and disappointment. I went home, having to push the bike because I couldn’t ride it. As I walked, tears streamed down my face, and I could hear the cars passing by. I got halfway home, still crying. As I was walking home, a man saw me and, with a smile, said, ‘Why are you crying? Girls won’t love you.’ When I got home, I stopped crying. I didn’t tell anyone about it. When my dad asked what happened to the bike, I made something up.
A few days later, the bike was somehow repaired, but I never rode it back to Lenny’s. However, I never blamed Lenny for laughing. Life went on—I continued going to school, but I realized that school itself was boring. The only thing that made it fun was spending time with my friends. I fell into a routine that revolved around school, hanging out with friends, playing video games on the computer, and doing homework only when absolutely necessary. One memorable day at school, we were all eagerly waiting for the bell to ring so we could leave the classroom. I decided to count down from 10 to 0 out loud: ’10, 9, 8…’ The moment I reached zero, the bell rang perfectly in sync. It was such a cool and unforgettable moment.
One game that my uncle downloaded called, ‘Max Payne’, was particularly interesting. It was a 3D game where you controlled your character from behind.
The game’s plot revolved around a man on a mission to kill those responsible for the deaths of his wife and daughter. It had some scary parts, which made sense considering its 17+ rating.
At school, I would talk to my friends about that game and other games, and it was great to have something in common with them. However, on the way home, when everyone was talking about the latest TV show on the Nova TV channel, which wasn’t available in my house, I felt so disconnected. I only had Croatian national channels – HRT1 and HRT2. They would laugh and repeat lines from the show, and only me and one girl were left out since we didn’t have that channel. It wasn’t that bad. At least we could talk about Pokémon and Max Payne. Oh, and the topic of relationships started to come up. I was beginning to understand what relationships between people meant, though I hadn’t experienced anything like that myself.
One day, I went to Lenny’s. One of our classmates lived nearby, so the three of us walked uphill towards the forest. In the forest, there was an abandoned house that was still under construction. We entered the house, and then one of my friends showed us a porn magazine. The magazine contained explicit content, and we looked through it. I was curious about what I saw. I think I even felt a bit nervous or excited. My friend commented that this was what fucking looked like and that it was supposed to feel good. After that, we headed home.
The next day at school, we continued discussing topics like sex and other related matters. Later, when I got home and found myself alone, I suddenly felt the urge to explore these thoughts further and quickly undressed. I experienced a new and unfamiliar sensation, which I found intriguing. At that time, I experienced dry orgasms without ejaculation and was able to climax multiple times. Over the next few days, I continued experimenting, with my record reaching about ten consecutive orgasms.
Curious, I turned on my computer and searched for terms like “fucking,” but I struggled to find what I considered “normal” porn. Most of the results were related to masturbation or animals, making me feel like the internet was still in its early stages of providing quality adult content. Perhaps it was just too soon. I never deleted my browsing history, and to this day, I still wonder why my dad never reacted.
When summer arrived and school was out, I found myself standing in front of my house wearing only shorts. Our neighbors’ house was very close. As I stood there alone, an irresistible urge pushed me to walk closer and closer to their house. I even considered asking if I could join in on the “kissing.” I made it almost to their front door before stopping, turning around, and heading back home. Looking back now, I realize I had intense, uncontrollable sexual urges, but at the time, it felt completely natural.
One day, I came across a cigarette lying on the ground in front of the house. It was probably my mother’s, as she was a smoker and often sent me to the store to buy her cigarettes. Curious, I grabbed a lighter and climbed to the top of the garage. Instead of smoking it, I simply lit the cigarette and let it burn on the ground. I found myself enjoying the aroma of the secondhand smoke, which smelled surprisingly pleasant to me.
My parents got me a mobile phone—the iconic Nokia 3310.
I was happy with it, even though I had hoped for a Sony Ericsson T610 like the one Lenny had.
I enjoyed calling the “sexy” phone numbers on my Nokia and listening to women moaning on the other end. However, I soon realized it was both expensive and dull, so I gave it up. Lenny, on the other hand, had a Sony Ericsson with a color screen that could play videos—specifically, porn movies. He proudly told us that his uncle had sent him all those videos via Bluetooth. That’s when I decided to start saving money for a newer, more advanced mobile phone—one with a digital camera and the ability to play porn videos.
My classmates and I went to the coast, to a beach near a small harbor. After a while, the beach felt dull, so we moved to the harbor, where we could jump into the sea from the pier. We practiced head dives, somersaults, and other tricks. Then, the girls from our class arrived, and we spent time hanging out with them. As I watched the girl I had a crush on at school, I found myself wondering what she would look like naked, even though she hadn’t even entered puberty yet.
During a family trip to Omiš beach, I ventured out for a solo swim, going a bit further from the shore than usual. I experienced a surge of excitement and, unseen by others, removed my swimming trunks while in the water. The thrill of being naked in the sea was intense. Feeling aroused, I masturbated underwater and ejaculated.
My brother and I went for a sleepover in Split, staying with my grandpa and Uncle Benny. We had a wonderful time with Uncle Benny. After spending the night, we enjoyed breakfast the next morning, which included Grandpa’s famous donuts and milk. Later, Grandpa took us to Bačvice Beach in Split. It was a crescent-shaped sandy beach with several bars around it. On the southwestern side of the beach, there were cliffs, so we decided to explore them. The cliffs had grown from about 10 feet in height to as high as 50 feet. While my grandfather played cards with his friends, my brother and I swam. Later, we climbed some of the lower cliffs to jump into the sea. My brother was drinking Coca-Cola on one of the cliffs when a rude kid from Split came up and asked for a sip. My brother refused, but I told him to share. My brother ended up spilling the drink and then the kid left. I didn’t stand up for my brother at the time because I didn’t know any better. In hindsight, maybe it was for the best—if there had been a confrontation on the cliffs, we all could have been hurt.
@Limbo 
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