January
Quasiluminous, whose real name was Mark Braun, was a 46-47-year-old white man living in Coral Springs, Florida, USA. He was married and had a son. I watched as many of his videos as I could because they were packed with information. In his videos, he discussed his belief that the Earth is flat and that its shape resembles the United Nations logo.
According to Mark, the North Pole was actually the South Pole because the north end of the compass needle was pointing toward the South Pole. At the true North Pole (which he believed to be the center of the flat Earth) stood an invisible magnetic mountain called Mount Meru. Mark claimed that reaching it before death was crucial. He said, “Either you join me publicly in blood, or you die of old age or stupidity.” Once at Mount Meru, the source of eternal life could be found. Anyone who drank from the waters of eternity there would become an immortal superhuman. It was also said that the tree of life could be found at this location, and it had the power to resurrect the dead.
Mark talked about the various “viruses” that people had contracted, such as the shoe virus, the religious virus, the gay virus, and the language use virus. He believed that language was a tool for communication, but he also claimed that language is what a computer uses to speak.
Mark discussed the concept of the deadly trap of the soul. He believed that when you die, you might encounter deceased loved ones who would encourage you to go into the light. However, he warned against entering that light, as he thought these loved ones were actually harmful entities. According to Mark, the light would erase your memories and send you into a new life cycle, placing you in a new embryo on Earth. He claimed that this system of control was created by the Archons, who were reptilian beings seeking to dominate the human race and feed off people’s soul energy. Instead of following the light, Mark suggested that you should enter the darkness, turn your consciousness inward toward your heart, and say “Take me home,” which would bring you to your true home.
Mark Braun was the final step in my search for the truth. His explanations seemed to make sense, even though I couldn’t completely believe in a flat Earth. At the very least, I became doubtful of the concept of a globe Earth.
A brief description of the flat Earth theory Mark presented: it resembles the United Nations logo, being shaped like a flat disk surrounded by an ice wall (Antarctica). The Sun is a disk, 32 nautical miles in diameter and 3,000 nautical miles away at noon. It levitates around the Earth, moving in a spiral pattern, which causes the seasons. The Sun begins its yearly journey by spiraling outward from the Tropic of Cancer (North Tropic) on June 21, and when it reaches the Tropic of Capricorn (South Tropic) on September 23, it spirals inward. This process repeats. Above the Earth, there’s said to be a glass dome. When traveling with a compass, you’re essentially circling the Earth, as the compass always points north.
I saw that the United Nations logo was divided into exactly 33 sections.
It was a hint from the Illuminati, suggesting they controlled this place, as the number 33 holds special significance to them.
Mark’s statements were often difficult to comprehend. He would say things like, “One side of the light hole is the black hole, the Sun above you is Jesus, and it must place its light in the holy hole at the center of the flat Earth plane. Through this process, the great dragon Typhon was born.”
Mark would say things like, “You’ll either publicly join me in blood, or you’ll die from your own fucking stupidity. When you have sex with someone, you’re a necrophile because everyone is considered dead when they arrive,” and so on. He believed everything was controlled by the law of the sea and the law of the land. According to him, if you’re “lost at sea,” you are “presumed dead in the eyes of your masters.” This meant that you are seen as a vessel that holds your spirit, which, in his view, is your true self. Mark discovered a form of lesser magic in wordplay. For example, he said that you aren’t “born” by a doctor, but “berthed” by a “dock-tor,” referencing the law of the sea (explanation: “dock” is a sea dock, and “doc” refers to the one who accepts you at the dock). He believed that when you’re born, your footprints are taken and sent to the Vatican, symbolizing that they are taking your soul/soles (since “soul” and “sole” both refer to the foot). This, according to Mark, makes you a stillborn—dead upon arrival. He also argued that when you fill out forms with your first and last name, you’re essentially using your “strawman name.” He believed that looking at a blank form with empty spaces reveals that the true spirit has no name, age, or other identity.
I’ve come to realize that there is a lot of lesser magic in the world. This suggests that the Illuminati or some other group has embedded subconscious messages everywhere, so that in the end, you wouldn’t even recognize their influence unless they explicitly told you. These hidden messages are in movies, TV shows, and even in the words and language we use. You’re constantly in a state of war. For instance, the typical American flag is actually a military flag because the U.S. is always at war. In the image below, you can see the real flag placed over the usual one. This flag is supposed to be used during peacetime, which never truly happens.
There’s a lot of wordplay related to the concept of war. For example, every morning you wake up and put on your “war-drobe,” and then you go to “war-k” (work), essentially meaning “war.”
Mark introduced me to the concept of reverse speech. He explained that when you record something and play it backward, you can hear hidden subconscious messages. While these messages aren’t always clear or easily recognizable, with enough focus, you can make out the words. For example, when the phrase “I love you” is played backward, it sounds like “We evil yeah,” but Mark interpreted it as “We will die.” Similarly, “God loves you” played backward becomes “We shall die.” He also pointed out that when former U.S. President Barack Obama’s famous motto “Yes we can” is reversed, it sounds like “Thank you Satan.” Other examples include reversing “You’re officially dead and a necrophiliac” to hear “I leave for heaven in a nice new ship, hurry!” and many more.
Mark would occasionally Skype with a woman named Venus_14, who was a white woman from Los Angeles. Her real name was Phoebe Rosa Castillo, and Mark once referred to her as his personal assistant/manager. During their Skype conversations, they would discuss everything Mark talked about in his videos.
I noticed that in the comments of Quasiluminous’s videos, a person named Saturn often appeared. He commented that Quasiluminous is “mythical.” Mark Braun, now claiming to be Satan, said that he was the Devil incarnate. He explained that he had fully taken on the role of the devil with all his blood, and anyone who tried to oppose this would have to kill themselves on the spot. He quoted 2 Corinthians 4:4, saying, “This is my fucking world.” Curious, I looked up the Bible verse, and it read: “Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who do not believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They do not understand this message of the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God.”
I wondered whether I should do Blood Over Intent because it went against everything I had been taught, including making a blood contract and aligning with Satan. One night, as I drifted between reality and the dream world, I suddenly “saw” the number 30 in my mind. It reminded me of when I saw the number “10” before having sex with that American girl who later sued me. I fell asleep and woke up the next day, still puzzled about the meaning of the number. I realized it must be connected to January 30, so I googled significant events from that day. When I checked the Wikipedia page for January 30, I was shocked to find that in 1835, there was an assassination attempt on
U.S. President Andrew Jackson. Since my name is Andrew, I felt like I had uncovered something important, and that I might be a threat to the Illuminati or the Archons, who might try to kill me. I interpreted it as a warning or some sort of divine intervention, suggesting that Blood Over Intent was the right path to take because it was good.
I waited patiently for January 30, praying to God that everything would turn out well. One afternoon, I went to the gay beaches to watch the sunset, and afterward, I saw a boat sailing by with a light that changed from green to red. I decided to count to 10: if the light was green, I’d do Blood over intent; if it was red, I wouldn’t. But before I even started counting, I realized that red could mean both “don’t do that” and “red is the color of blood.” I quickly dismissed the idea and went home.
When January 30 finally arrived, I went to buy donuts. I stopped to eat in front of the store, and a woman approached me asking if I had any money. I gave her a few dollars, and we started talking. I told her about Blood over intent, and surprisingly, she seemed to find the idea pleasant.
It was a pleasant idea for me as well. I remembered something Mark Braun had said: “If you stand firm in truth, you will gain the favor of your Creator.” I also thought that if my intention was good and pure, God would indeed be on my side.
The next day, I decided to make a Blood over intent video. I used a blue marker to write, “I intend to bring heaven to Earth and release all from bondage.” Then came the difficult part – I had to draw some of my blood. I didn’t want to wait for an injury, so I took a razor blade and cut the inside of my left index finger, closer to the palm rather than the tip. It barely scratched the surface, and it was already painful. I pushed through the discomfort and managed to get some blood by squeezing the wound. I turned on the camera and recorded a shot of the paper with the words written on it.
I said, “I intend to bring heaven to Earth and release all from bondage,” then placed some of my blood over the written words and finished filming. I posted the video on YouTube with the title, tag, and description “Blood over intent.” A few hours later, I started receiving my first subscribers and comments. One person commented, “Witnessed, blood.” Others commented, “Blood is thicker than water.” Later, I saw that Quasiluminous had re- uploaded my video to his channel with the title “Proof of Life Andrew.” I felt a bit exposed at first, worried that someone might Google me and discover my strange ritual, but as time passed, it started to feel less and less strange to me.
February
In one of his videos, Mark Braun mentioned that he was “standing on gallons of motherfucking blood.” He explained that, because he had donated blood multiple times, he had received several “one-gallon certificates” from the South Florida Community Blood Centers. Mark also had another channel called The Prince of Darkness, where he posted a video on 07/06/2015.
The video was titled “The Prince of Darkness Speaks” and was age-restricted. In it, Mark Braun was publicly declaring that he was indeed The Prince of Darkness, believing that this declaration would eventually grant him supernatural powers. The description of the video read: “I, the Prince of Darkness, intend to love everyone and intend to bring Heaven to Earth. Prince of Darkness (Avoid the 1st light you see after death, it is a trap for your soul). Head towards the darkness and turn your consciousness inward into your heart and say ‘Take me home.’ You will be home instantly.”
I have been known by many names:
Antichrist, Apollo, Nimrod, Brahma, Ra.
I am here as an extension of The Grand Architect, tasked with bringing Heaven to Earth. My mission is to free everyone from the constraints of time and money. Heaven will manifest on Earth in your lifetime.
In one of Ǫuasiluminous’s videos, he explained that you can unlock supernatural powers by following his method. You choose your unique deity, create a video similar to Mark’s on his “The Prince of Darkness” channel, make it age-restricted, and upload it.
He also mentioned the concept of the Matrix Verification Code#, which is a kind of test. The question was, “When does 2/1 = 333?” The answer, according to him, was February 1st because there are 333 days left in the year from that date.
I chose a Greek deity named Aeolus, the ruler of the winds. I researched other gods I could consider and found various names online, such as Vayu, Ehecatl, and Szélatya. To make sure no one else had used them, I searched for videos like “Vayu speaks” or “Ehecatl speaks” on YouTube. After confirming that these names were available, I created a new YouTube channel called “Aeolus.” I wrote my intention to bring heaven to Earth once again, wrote “Aeolus” beneath those words, added some of my blood on top, and began recording. The video showed a piece of paper with the blood on it while I said, “I am Aeolus and I intend to bring forth Heaven on Earth and release everyone from bondage.” I then uploaded the video to my Aeolus channel and included this description:
“I, Aeolus, intend to love everyone and intend to bring Heaven to Earth.
Aeolus (Avoid the 1st light you see after death, it is a trap for your soul). Head towards the darkness and turn your consciousness inward into your heart and say ‘Take me home.’ You will be home instantly.
They called me by many names:
Vayu
Shu
Ehecatl
Szélatya
(I forgot the 5th name)
Matrix Verification Code#”
I wrote “2/1=Y3ST3RD3Y” because I uploaded the video on 02/02/2018, and 02/01 was the previous day. I found it interesting that the matrix code verification number lined up so perfectly with the date. The following day, an earthquake with a magnitude of 4.3 struck near Makarska, which made me believe that my videos could alter reality and have an impact on events.
Mark Braun suggested in his videos that we all create “Holy Grail videos” that point to the Holy Grail, which he believed was located in the center of the flat Earth. We were encouraged to either repost videos about it or create our own. I wanted to be as original as possible, so I thought back to movies or TV series I had watched that might contain hidden messages. One film that stood out was “Total Recall”, which I had watched multiple times. In one scene, the protagonist has an alien encounter where he flies over a location and discovers a button with a palm and four fingers engraved on it. Inspired by this, I opened Google Earth and flew to the North Pole. When I zoomed in between the North Pole and Russia, I noticed a white line that resembled the “frost bridge” leading to the magnetic mountain.
Around the North Pole, there was a sea with underwater trenches. When I watched the scene from “Total Recall” where the protagonist flies over the ice, the grooves in the ice seemed to match the underwater trenches I saw on Google Earth. As he flew back to the button with the engraved hand with four fingers, I interpreted it as a reference to the North Pole, especially since four rivers flowed from there. I then downloaded DU Screen Recorder, an app that captures both the screen and audio from my phone, and began recording my first Holy Grail video. After uploading it, I gained a few more subscribers and received some comments.
I then took a screenshot on my phone of an episode of “South Park”, where the characters were discussing a lawsuit against a deceased person. They initially thought it was impossible to sue the dead, but the lawyer explained that anyone could be sued. This seemed like a reference to how court cases usually work, where people are summoned, and in this case, even the dead could be summoned. It reminded me of my own summons, the one I received when I was caught with weed. Instead of addressing me directly, like “Andrew, please come to court,” it was written in the third person, like “Andrew is summoned to court.”
Saturn, another channel associated with Mark, had a video titled “Beat Any Court Case.” Although I couldn’t locate that specific video, I found the same content uploaded by another channel. In the video, he explained that all modern courts are rooted in witchcraft and the ancient Babylonian court systems. He pointed out that when you are summoned to court, it’s typically done in the third person singular. Upon arriving in court, you automatically present your ID, and the legal procedure begins from there. You have the opportunity to defend yourself in court by handling your name correctly. Instead of saying “I am Andrew,” you should say “Andrew is indeed present in court.” This would confuse the judge and make them realize they have no control over you. The key is how you address your name. In a Skype conversation with Venus_14, Mark shared an experience where he went to court and stunned the judge. He handled his name properly, which caused the judge to leave the courtroom. Mark stayed put, and the judge returned dressed as a priest. Mark persisted, and the judge left again. When the judge came back a third time, he was in full captain’s attire. Once again, Mark handled his name correctly, and the judge left for the last time. Only then did Mark leave the courtroom, having won the case.
I found another cartoon called “Conan the Barbarian.” In one episode, Conan fought reptiles disguised as humans. When he killed them with his sword, the magic broke, and they transformed back into reptiles before running away. I recorded this scene and uploaded it to YouTube with the title “Reptilian Shapeshifters.”
Another prominent figure in the Blood Over Intent community was The Angel of Death. He appeared to be in his late 30s or early 40s and was white. His name was Adam Rudseal. He frequently uploaded videos discussing the Bible and showed great knowledge of it. His content often featured rock music, and he occasionally posted about Hinduism as well. Sometimes, his videos aligned with my thoughts, leading me to believe that both he and Mark Braun were aware of everything about me.
The Angel of Death posted a video with a title that included the words “Rakija” (a Croatian word for ”alcoholic beverage”) and “adomeaboveyourhead.” This further reinforced my belief that he had a deep understanding of me.
In some of Quasiluminous’s videos, he delved into the nature of our reality, highlighting how many logos from famous brands contained symbols like rings, eyes, or cubes. For instance, the Nike logo included a portion of a ring, and the Mastercard logo had two interlocking circles, which represented the shape of our reality. Quasiluminous also pointed out that the Alfa Romeo logo depicted a dragon or reptile devouring a man, symbolizing the idea that reptiles rule over humans, with humans being considered the food class. Additionally, he suggested that the Windows logo represented the four rivers flowing from the North Pole.
Mark explained how barcodes, found on most products, have a specific arrangement of numbers and letters, each carefully chosen with significance. He also introduced me to sigils, which are symbols created by writing out a specific intention or desire on paper. Once the sigil is formed, it is then burned to release the intention into the universe, a practice that ties into Mark’s broader teachings about the power of symbols and their role in manifesting reality.
To create a sigil, you first choose a phrase that represents your intention, such as “I intend to bring forth heaven on earth.” Then, you remove the vowels and any repeating consonants, leaving you with something like “NTDBRGFH.” Next, you write this phrase in black letters on a piece of paper and mirror it with red letters above the black ones. You surround the sigil with a triple border and place two circles on the left side, one red above the black one. I made my first sigil to assist a flooded area in my country. My second sigil was for my uncle Benny’s healing, to help with his hands and arms. I’ve since made more sigils, focusing on intentions like world peace and bringing heaven to earth.
March
I created a few more videos about the holy grail, but eventually, I ran out of ideas.
One day, I came across the book “God is Young” by Pope Francis, which my brother had bought. I read a portion of it, and the Pope wrote, “When he thinks of God, he sees a young man – God is always new.” For a moment, I wondered if I was that God, though I hadn’t yet figured out how to use my supposed superpowers. I also started to suspect that the Pope might be part of the Illuminati and that he somehow knew about me. In another part of the book, the Pope wrote something like, “To be good Christians, we must ‘dirty our feet’…” This made me think it was a reference to my experience with that woman in Barcelona, where we had been on the side of the road in the bushes.
One evening, I visited Danny’s house, and he was wearing a T-shirt featuring the Illuminati all-seeing eye.
I asked him if he was a member of the Illuminati, and he went to grab a pair of scissors. At first, I thought he was going to harm me, but instead, he cut out a sticker from his T- shirt and handed it to me. When I read it, I was surprised to find it referenced “Galatians 6:17,” a verse from the Bible. The verse said, “From now on, let no one cause me trouble, because I wear the marks of Jesus on my body.” While I was relieved that I hadn’t been hurt and that everything was tied to a Bible verse, I was still puzzled as to why Danny would wear such a T-shirt.
One afternoon, I hiked up a mountain on the north side of Split, where I had previously grown weed. It was a sunny day, and the sunset was approaching. I recalled Mark Braun’s advice about looking at the Sun while standing barefoot on non-conductive ground, either in the morning or late afternoon, and speaking your intent to it. Although all I found at the top of the mountain were rocks, it didn’t bother me. I got barefoot, gazed directly at the setting Sun and said, “I intend to bring Heaven to Earth, kindly give me the knowledge of the ages so that I may accomplish my purpose.” At that moment, I was reading the Bible and remembered Isaiah 40. It was verse 9, and it read, “You who bring good news to Zion, go up to a high mountain. You who bring the good news to Jerusalem, lift up your voice with a shout, lift it up, do not be afraid; say to the cities of Judah, ‘Behold your God!’”. I hesitated to shout from the top of the mountain, debating whether to yell, “God, get us out of the hands of evil!” I gathered my courage over a few minutes, seeing all of Split below and wondering if anyone would hear me. Eventually, I shouted, “GOD, GET US OUT OF THE HANDS OF EVIL!!” It felt 1% uncomfortable but 99% liberating. Afterward, I went home.
The next day, I went to Danny’s place, and we smoked weed while watching TV. He had some palo santo, a fragrant wood that burned with a pleasant smell. At one point, he pulled out a small, dark purple rolled-up piece of paper tied with black thread and handed it to me. He told me to open it and read it. The words were barely visible, written in black, and they said something like “… my soul shines high…”, followed by the signature “babe”.
As soon as I read it, I felt a wave of nausea. I started to think that I was under some kind of spiritual attack, possibly exposed to black magic. I began to suspect that Danny was involved with the Illuminati and that they knew about me shouting to God from the mountain. The phrase “… shines high…” seemed like a reference to my position on the mountain and my soul, which I believed to be pure. In my slightly dizzy and disoriented state from the weed and the unsettling message, Danny asked me what was wrong, but I struggled to find the right words. I handed the message back to him, and somehow, we were able to continue our conversation normally. I didn’t mention the spiritual attack or black magic; I just said I felt strange after reading the message. He didn’t have anything particularly significant to add, though I don’t remember the exact details. The conversation shifted to discussing homosexuality, and he mentioned a situation where a gay man was in front of him, but Danny said he couldn’t do anything with him because it was “disgusting.” He used the same word I had used when I was at the gay beaches. I began to think that Danny was connected to the Illuminati, part of a larger network of people who knew every detail of my thoughts and actions. I recalled Mark Braun’s statement about the Archons being able to replay someone’s entire life on a computer screen. I felt like I was being followed, monitored, and persecuted by the Illuminati.
The second time we got high at Danny’s, we watched “The Matrix” (1999). As I stared at the digital clock on the DVD player under the TV, I thought I could “sync with the time and master it.” In my mind, I started counting down from 7 to 0, and when I hit zero, the clock moved forward by a minute. It reminded me of the times back in elementary school when I used to guess the correct time by counting down from 10 to 0.
I kept watching the movie and really enjoyed it. In the final scene, the main character, Neo, played by Keanu Reeves, dies and then comes back to life. As I watched that part, I got so excited that I cheered and clenched my fists. Danny asked me why I was acting that way, and I explained that I was so moved by Neo’s achievement because I felt like I was seeing myself in him.
After that, I tried multiple times to stare at the clock and guess the exact time when the minutes would change. I came across a video from a member of the Blood over Intent movement, where he analyzed the meaning of letters and numbers. When he discussed the letter Q, he explained that it was like an “O” with a small line, and that it represented “one goes to zero.” This idea made me want to become “the one.”
One day, as I was walking home, I heard a phone ringing in a phone booth about 15 feet away. It reminded me of a scene from “The Matrix” I had recently watched, where characters transition from one world to another by answering a phone call. I thought that if I answered it, I could escape this matrix for good. It was a strange feeling, but before I could act on it, the phone stopped ringing, and I just continued walking away.
I had some thoughts about members of the Blood over Intent movement, like Mark Braun, The Angel of Death, and Venus_14. As I mentioned before, some of their videos seemed to reflect my own ideas and thoughts. For instance, one night I decided to sleep on the floor because I was curious and thought that the hard surface might help my lower back, which had been injured while rowing. A few days later, I was watching a Skype conversation between Mark and Venus, and at one point, Mark said something directed at people who hadn’t or wouldn’t do Blood over Intent. He asked, “What have you given up in this life? Have you tried sleeping on the floor for one night?” It made me believe that not only the bad people from the Illuminati were aware of my every move, but also the good people from the Blood over Intent movement. My suspicions grew stronger after watching one of Mark’s videos, where he said, “I’ve been shown things that would shake you to your motherfucking core!” I started to think that he might have somehow seen my deceased brother Henry in the morgue.
Some of the other members of the Blood over Intent movement included ZEU5, Mary Barnes Mackovich, Kel Dy-nasti (I hope that’s the correct spelling), and a woman whose channel was called Lucifer.
I realized that Mark Braun was very insightful because sometimes he would say things that were both logical and humble. For example, he mentioned that when you try to lift something off the ground, you are essentially bowing down to it. He also pointed out that when you point a finger at someone, you are actually pointing three fingers back at yourself, reminding us to be mindful of how we judge others.
I went for a spring swim with Ava, and we were alone on the beach. I wanted to have sex with her, but I struggled with maintaining an erection. Even when I managed to penetrate her, I would climax within seconds. It felt like I couldn’t have normal sex anymore. Frustrated, I went home and watched Mark Braun’s videos. In one of his Skype conversations with Venus, he laughed and mentioned the phrase “One pump chump.” I couldn’t help but feel like it was directed at me.
Mark again mentioned in a video on The Prince of Darkness channel that he was on Earth in the name of the Grand Architect. I recalled that in his description, he had written, “I am here on behalf of the Grand Architect…”. I created my own description as Aeolus, but left out that part, thinking no Grand Architect had sent me. This led me to believe that I must be the Grand Architect myself and somehow have a hand in making decisions about everything. I began to think I was God but wasn’t fully aware of it yet.
However, I didn’t want to get carried away and preferred to stay rational and humble.
But one day, the Angel of Death posted a video about Trimurti, the trinity of the supreme deity in Hinduism. It consisted of Brahma, the creator, Vishnu, the guardian, and Shiva, the destroyer. I can’t remember the description clearly, but it read something like, “X is first, Y is second in progress. You’re the third.” I thought it was addressed to me. I thought that they and I were somewhat special and that we were on a special mission here on this Earth.
Mark Braun used to say “Your creator is watching” in his videos. I thought it was also aimed at me because I was that creator, and I started watching his videos.
I continued drawing sigils and made about ten of them with the intention of world peace and the general welfare of everyone in the world. I used A4 paper, creating a large triple border near the edge. I then created a smaller triple border in the center, filling it with calligraphy in black and mirrored red letters. Below the smaller border, I wrote the wish and the resulting consonants. I planned to make a video about the Holy Grail in which I would burn all the sigils, hoping it would change our reality.
I discovered a Quasiluminous video in which a guy who knew a lot about ancient magic was talking about King Solomon’s brass vessel. There were only short clips from the original one-hour video, but they were enough to grab my attention. The guy described how to perform an invocation ritual that uses a raised, table-like platform.
I wanted to make a replica of that table and burn the sigils above it. I didn’t truly believe it would change our reality, but I was hoping it might. I wanted to at least try, especially considering my good intentions.
One day I was at the carpenter’s workshop when a friend of his came to visit. The friend asked me if I wanted to work for him for a day. I agreed, as there wasn’t much work at the carpentry workshop at the time. I joined some of his regular crew, and we went to remodel an old house in the center of Split. I used a jackhammer and carried bags of construction debris, like old tiles and pieces of concrete. Later, we had to dig a trench for the water pipes. I returned home happy because I had been productive and earned good pay.
While watching YouTube, I saw a video posted by Mark (I was subscribed to some of the “Blood over Intent” members, including Saturn) of him using a pneumatic hammer to dig a trench for water pipes. This reinforced my belief that he was one of the “good guys” who knew my every move and was, for some reason, imitating my actions. Or perhaps I was imitating his.
I planned to make a bunch of sigils and a replica of that table. I was getting more and more ideas about what to write on them. I wanted to address as much of reality as possible, meaning I wanted to change the world and the rest of the universe forever. I would write simple sentences like, “Let there be peace.”
After removing the vowels and extra consonants, I was left with “LTHRBPC.” I first wrote it in pencil to create a good template. I wanted it to look good in calligraphy, so I bought thin felt-tip pens in black and red. The manuscript consisted of beautiful calligraphic curves, with varying line thickness. Once I had the letter template, I would paint over it with black and red ink, emphasizing calligraphic details like thin and thick lines. I made many sigils, such as “Let 144,000 bring heaven on Earth,” “Let there be no pain,” “Let there be no infrastructure,” “Let everyone understand each other,” and many others.
I bought some large candles, intending to melt them down to create a large slab of wax on which everything would be placed. In March, there was a mineral and gem fair in my city, which I attended. I bought about 20 different crystals and minerals to decorate the table. I decided against using a crystal ball like the one in the video. When my brother died, Danny had given me a small crystal, hoping it had healing properties. I included that crystal in my collection. I went to a hardware store and bought metal plates on which I planned to melt the wax. I also bought small candles to place underneath the plates to generate enough heat. I had some money left over from side jobs I’d done for a friend of the carpenter, but sometimes I had to ask my parents for money. When they asked what it was for, I told them I would explain later. They agreed. I kept the writing and drawing of sigils a secret from them. My father went to Spain on the El Camino pilgrimage and was away for those months. My brother was studying in Dubrovnik, my sister in Denmark, and I was living with my mother. I had plenty of space and privacy to draw the sigils. I had my own table, the necessary materials, and a lot of patience.
When I conceived a sigil, for example, “Let there be no pain,” I meticulously analyzed each word, consulting dictionaries. I would start with “Let,” whose definition was “to allow something to happen or for someone to do something without doing anything to stop the action or giving their permission.” I would then analyze the words “allow,” “something,” “happen,” and so on, until I reached a point where the words could no longer be broken down. Only then did I consider the sigil “approved.” It was like zooming in on an image and analyzing every pixel to understand its composition. I was extremely thorough, but I had my reasons, and those reasons were for the benefit of every being everywhere.
One day, while I was at home, the doorbell rang. I opened the door to find two women. They introduced themselves as Jehovah’s Witnesses and asked if I wanted to join them. I told them they knew nothing of the truth and that this was Satan’s world. I quoted 2 Corinthians 4:4, which confused them, but they persisted, so I began arguing with them. I was arguing with these, in my view, misguided souls, when my mother came to the door. She tried to close it, but I continued the argument. I told the Jehovah’s Witnesses they should perform the “Blood over intent” for Heaven’s sake. My mother returned and told me to close the door and leave them alone, which I finally did. A few days later, Mark Braun released a video in which he filmed Jehovah’s Witnesses at his front door in Coral Springs, Florida. He quoted 2 Corinthians 4:4 to them and went through a practically identical situation as I had. I felt that Mark and I were connected on a deeper level.
April
In April, I decided to build the table at home. I envisioned a large, square wax slab measuring 6 feet by 6 feet. It was to have wax candles in the corners for support, just like the original table. I planned to arrange all the sigils on it before burning them. I was making good progress with the sigils, having created about 50 to 60 by then. The topics ranged from anti-war and anti-pain to knowledge and other subjects. I had a strong feeling that these sigils were incredibly important, and I imagined the Illuminati/Archons were going crazy because of them. One night, I googled “Grand Architect” and one of the search results was a drawing of a man sitting at a table with papers in front of him. I felt it was a hidden subliminal message meant for me because I saw a strong resemblance to what I was doing.
I read somewhere that sigils could be “charged.” One method described involved masturbating or having sex, and then, at the moment of orgasm, staring at the sigil symbols to “charge” it, supposedly making the desired outcome happen sooner and more effectively. This is why, most of the time when I masturbated, I tried to do so selflessly, for Heaven on Earth. I would take a piece of paper with a sigil drawn on it, and as I approached climax, I would stare at it. I had to resist the urge to close my eyes or look at myself. I would reach orgasm and ejaculate while staring at the sigil. It was a strange feeling because I didn’t feel anything in particular.
I took a break from making sigils, as I had become quite consumed by it. I went for a bike ride around the peninsula and then headed to the center of Split. I stopped for a break in an area called Matejuška. I noticed some interesting drawings on the ground, made of stone slabs, and took pictures of them for fun. A few days later, while scrolling through my phone’s gallery, I noticed the image of the drawing had three white spots on it, as if someone had used Photoshop. I hadn’t altered the image in any way, and I suspected the Archons had done it to scare me.
May
By mid-May, I had drawn approximately 96 sigils. Each one described Heaven on Earth in its own unique way. I created every sigil to cover every aspect of Heaven on Earth, hoping that burning them would somehow bring it into being. In one of The Angel of Death’s videos, it was recounted how a young Mark Braun had filmed Coral Springs police officers beating a woman for no apparent reason. Mark streamed his recording live so the police couldn’t delete it. In the video, police officers surrounded Mark’s house and threatened to break in without a warrant. He was on the balcony, visibly scared, when the police burst into his house, shouting, “GET DOWN ON THE GROUND, GET DOWN ON THE GROUND, NOW!!” The recording ended abruptly. Then, The Angel of Death released a reversed version of the police breaking into Mark’s house. The officers, who had been shouting to get down, were now heard, in reverse, shouting, “I’m the guy with the knife, the guy with the knife.” The next scene showed Mark in a hospital bed, beaten and with a deliberately inflicted wound on his arm.
I saw another video of Mark and Venus talking on Skype, where Mark said, “If they want to catch you, they’ll catch you.” I believed the police were working for the Illuminati and were searching for anyone who threatened their world order. I thought they were looking for me as well. First, they’d caught me with the weed. Then, I saw the same police officer on the night of my brother’s suicide.
Then one day, I had lunch on the balcony with my dad and Uncle Benny. I saw a police officer entering the police station wearing black gloves and carrying a black garbage bag. I think my dad and Uncle Benny had gotten a little drunk, and everyone was happy. They offered me more meat and potatoes, even though I didn’t want any more. Immediately after I saw the police officer, they insisted I eat a little more and then remarked to each other that I should feel good.
I believed that if I burned my sigils, the police would invade my home, torture me, and kill me. I felt that I was being persecuted not only by the police, but by the entire world, with the exception of the 144,000 good people.
At night, while I was drawing sigils and organizing the development of the table, I would hear the sound of police cell phones near the police station.
One day, while sitting on the balcony on the 5th floor, I saw a man in the square walking by wearing a hat with a black and white checkerboard pattern. He looked up at me and pointed at his hat. I believed he was a member of the Illuminati, as the checkerboard pattern is associated with them, and I interpreted his gesture as a warning to “be careful with my actions.”
One night, while cycling around the peninsula, I noticed a couple walking ahead of me. The guy was on the phone, and as I passed by, he said, “yes, he just passed us.” I thought he was talking about me, but I also wondered if he had seen someone he knew. As I continued my ride, I didn’t see anyone else until I finished my route. I concluded that the guy was part of the Illuminati and was intentionally messing with me.
I felt a strong calling to create the sigils on the table, believing it to be a sacred act that no one else in the world had done, either before or after me. While there might have been some copies of the table I was making, I wondered if anyone had ever drawn all the sigils that I had drawn.
I would stay up all night, drawing as many sigils as I could, sometimes falling asleep at dawn. I’d wake up around noon and watch new YouTube videos. One day, The Angel of Death released a video with a heavy-metal song in the background that included the words, “Are you with us or against us? Choose your fucking side!” I thought he knew I had fallen asleep, and that this was his way of criticizing me.
Mark Braun claimed that he was the Devil and that he held the Spear of Destiny. A few months ago, he started learning the plumbing trade. I believed he and I were connected, especially because of my time spent drawing sigils. These sigils had triple borders painted in black, red, and green. Mark, who had been an apprentice plumber, worked on projects called “ground rough,” where he would dig trenches for future pipes. Instead of using spray paint on the ground, he would tie red and green ropes in perpendicular directions to outline the trenches. These ropes resembled the patterns of my sigils. I began to think that the world was a game, and I was a special player, along with 144,000 others, including Mark, Venus, and The Angel of Death.
In mid-May, I completed all the sigils and one morning, I cut them all out for further burning. Each sigil was 6”x3”, and there were 96 A4 sheets with holes of the same size in the middle. After cutting them all out, I felt a sense of accomplishment because there were times when I had to repeat a sigil due to ink smudges or mistakes, forcing me to start over. Once I finished, I arranged all 96 sigils on the floor in the shape of a circle, and the dimensions of the table seemed adequate for the display.
The next step was to create a table made of wax. I bought several large candles with the intention of melting them to form the table. To shape the borders, I used L-profiles made of plastic, planning to pour the melted wax into them. I melted the wax using small candles as the heat source, placing the wax on a metal plate. There were numerous times I failed to create the table, and once, I even burned the wooden floor of my room with a small candle that continued burning after it had finished.
Mark appeared on a Florida radio talk show, and he later posted the audio from the show as a YouTube video. You could hear both his voice and that of the hosts. During the show, Mark talked about the concept of Heaven on Earth and the idea of Blood over intent. The host commented that even though Mark’s language was vague and filled with swearing, she could still feel love radiating from him. Towards the end of the interview, Mark asked the hosts if they knew what was the most secret thing. When they asked him to elaborate, he responded by asking, “Who has Satan’s direct e-mail?” After they admitted they didn’t know, he answered, “Nobody,” and a large green exclamation mark appeared on the YouTube video.
I believed I was that “Nobody” because, from my point of view, all the things that seemed like coincidences were actually signs pointing to something much deeper.
One day, I was by myself at home and decided to undress. I faced Jerusalem while reading the Bible, believing it was necessary for bringing Heaven to Earth.
One day, I came across a forgotten chapter that led me to conclude that my wax table was a positive thing, and I decided to cut some of my hair to burn it along with the sigils. I read Psalm 119, verse 119, which said, “You cast away all the wicked on earth like slag; that’s why I love your laws.” The Croatian translation interpreted it as: “… therefore I kiss your laws.” After reading that, I literally kissed the Bible in front of me. I also came across another verse that warned those who lean on their elbows while reading the Bible should be ashamed. From then on, I was always careful not to lean on my elbows when reading, whether sitting or lying down.
The next day, while my mom was working in the afternoon, I practiced burning my sigils. I used giant tweezers to hold and light the old sigils, burning them in my room.
Suddenly, I heard sirens outside, and I thought that my sigil-making days were over. But when I looked out the window, I saw it was just a fire truck passing through the neighborhood before leaving. I thought someone must have called the fire department because of the smoke from the sigils. I quickly returned the sigils to their secret place.
I went to the bathroom and cut my hair with scissors, collecting it in makeshift paper bags to burn along with my sigils. Afterward, I hid the bags in their secret place. When my father came home from Spain, he was shocked to see that I’d cut my hair in half. He asked why the hallway smelled of smoke, and I realized the smoke from my burning sigils had filled the hallway, leading someone to call the fire department. I told him I was lighting something, and we managed to avoid discussing the real reason behind my haircut. He went to a neighbor to get shaving foam, then covered my head with it and shaved off the rest of my hair, leaving me bald. From that moment on, I stopped looking at my face in the mirror.
There was a YouTube channel called “Evil Reflection,” run by someone who opposed the Blood over intent community. I believed he was part of the Illuminati and knew every thought and move I made. There was also a young German with his own channel called “ANTICHRIST.” He initially participated in Blood over intent but later became an enemy of it. I thought he was aligned with “Evil Reflection” and on the same side against me.
I told my father that I was working on a table for an experiment. A few days later, my parents informed me that we were going to move out of our apartment so we could rent it out to tourists. I saw this as sabotage to my wax table project, but I didn’t explain the full backstory behind the table to them.
We rented our apartment to tourists, so we had to move. My parents were planning to relocate to a different neighborhood in Split, but I decided to go to the suburbs. The day after we packed our things and were expecting our first guests, I was in the apartment lost in thought. My mom then mentioned the exact same thing I had been thinking, and I became convinced that she and everyone else could read my mind. I started to panic. My mom and I left the apartment to wait for the guests. When they arrived, I became convinced they were paid actors, and I felt uneasy watching them shake hands with my mom. I was particularly scared because I had heard about the Masonic handshake.
I became convinced that everyone in the world was part of the Illuminati. We brought our guests to the apartment and then went to my grandfather and uncle Benny’s house in Split for lunch. I took my Bible, sigils, and cut hair with me in my bag. While waiting for lunch, I wrote “Do not touch” on a piece of paper and placed it on top of the Bible, thinking they might search my belongings. During lunch, we were all talking, and then uncle Benny said, “It’s all in the details.” I believed this was a subconscious message that they were all Freemasons, revealing their control over me through subtle details. The saying “The devil is in the details” came to mind.
June
After my parents moved to another neighborhood in Split, I decided to stay in the suburbs. My grandmother, aunt, uncle, and their children lived downstairs in the house where I had once lived, and my uncle with his wife and children were upstairs. I visited for a day and eventually asked my grandmother if I could stay there. She agreed, so I brought all my wax table-making equipment and tried to explain to everyone what I was working on. One afternoon, I was setting up the table in the garage, and even my uncle helped me with it.
I had a notebook where I recorded and sketched all the important aspects of my search for truth. One of the things I drew was the Eye of Horus, along with its connection to the human senses.
I wrote statements such as, “Bringing children into this terrible world makes no sense. Only a fool would do that.”
One day, I borrowed my parents’ car and drove to the hardware store to purchase a large 6’x6’ plywood board. I managed to transport it back to the suburbs and placed it in the garage. My plan was to melt wax onto the board, using L-profiles to contain the melted wax. My father provided me with a small electric cooker, which I used along with an old pot to melt the wax. This method was much quicker than my previous approach of heating small candles under metal plates.
On June 14th, I decided to create a new YouTube channel called “t h i c c,” inspired by the phrase “Blood is thicker than water.” For the profile picture, I chose an image of the fat Bugs Bunny meme.
I still hadn’t achieved the desired result with my wax table. Meanwhile, the Soccer World Cup kicked off in Russia. On Saturday, June 16, 2018, my aunt, uncle, and their children from Split visited the suburbs. They seemed a bit shocked when they saw my table, and I was sure they had questioned my grandmother about why she allowed it. My uncle and cousin asked if I would watch the World Cup match between Croatia and Nigeria. When I responded with a casual “maybe,” they seemed confused. After they left, I decided not to watch the game.
That evening, while working on my wax table, I could hear firecrackers and fireworks going off every time Croatia scored a goal. We won 2-0. I was in the garage, and my uncle’s female dog stood behind me, squealing, confused by the noise. I went to comfort her—she liked me.
Five days later, on June 21st, I decided to take a break from working on the table to watch the match between Argentina and Croatia. My uncle rode his motorcycle to Stobreč to watch the game. We secured a glorious 3-0 victory, and I thoroughly enjoyed the match. That same day, my uncle fell off his bike and injured his arm. In the days that followed, I had to take his dog for a walk every night. The first time we went out, she pulled on the leash so hard that a joking neighbor asked who was walking whom. We settled into a routine, heading to my old school before continuing along the river.
July
I was still working on the table, but I struggled with getting up early at 6 or 7 AM to work on it before the “morning chaos” began. Instead, I would wake up around 9 or 10. The “chaos” referred to my little cousins, my aunt’s children, waking up at that time. I spent time with them during the day, mainly to help my aunt, who had to balance work and being a mom. Even though I wasn’t focusing on the main reason I had come to the suburbs, I later appreciated the time spent with my little cousins as they grew up.
Meanwhile, I was unemployed, and my savings were slowly running out. I had also stopped smoking weed, but occasionally, during my evening walks along the river with the dog, I would come across a local drug addict. If he was smoking, I would ask for a little, and he would share it with me politely, which always made me happy.
On July 14th, I stayed up all night, believing it might somehow help Croatia win the World Cup. In the morning, I rode my bike to Split to attend confession and Holy Mass. Later, I went to a hill in my neighborhood around 10 or 11 a.m. and practiced sungazing, staring at the sun despite the bright daylight. After that, I returned to the suburbs.
On the afternoon of July 15th, Croatia was set to play in the final match against France. I fell asleep and I woke up just when the game started. Croatia had lost 4-2. France won the World Cup, and Croatia took second place. Even though we were all hoping for gold, we were satisfied with silver. I felt angry with myself for not staying up all night as a form of sacrifice for the Croatian national football team. A few days later, there was a massive welcome in Zagreb, with around a million people lining the streets leading to the city center. For the first time in history, even the news was postponed for an hour or two to honor our football players’ achievement. The whole nation celebrated, while in France, there were riots.
After the celebration ended, I went back to my desk and kept documenting one failure after another. The burden of the table was too much to bear. I needed a new approach. While watching videos from The Angel of Death, one in particular stood out where the narrator mentioned “large stone slabs” when discussing ancient ruins. This seemed to validate my belief that some people in the world were aware of my actions and were following me, especially since I too had been dealing with “large slabs of wood and wax.” I still avoided looking at my face in the mirror.
Occasionally, I would experience déjà vu. I’d have a dream about something, and then it would play out the same way in real life. One afternoon, while I was in the garage, I looked toward the house door and thought, “My aunt will come out right now.” And she did. I was left wondering how déjà vu was even possible and what the odds were of it happening by chance.
One evening, my grandmother suggested we go to church to pray the rosary and attend Holy Mass. I drove us there, and first, we attended the Mass. Afterward, we prayed the rosary. When the prayer ended, the priest brought out the Blessed Sacrament of the Altar, which was a small metal structure containing the sacred holy wafer.
After we all knelt and prayed in silence, I endured the pain of kneeling despite the discomfort. The mosquitoes started biting me, but I was determined to persevere, believing it was a sacrifice for God. The pain and the mosquitoes lasted for about half an hour, and then the priest took the Holy Sacrament of the Altar, signaling the end of the ceremony. Afterward, we left the church, and my grandmother suggested I talk to the priest. I agreed, partly because of her encouragement, and went to speak with him in his office behind the church. I shared with him about the wax table, the sigils, and my desire to bring Heaven to Earth. He calmly told me that only God could bring Heaven to Earth, and cautioned that if I continued with my wax table, I might end up in a psychiatric hospital. But I didn’t care.
While watching The Angel of Death’s videos, I heard a narrator mention something I had forgotten, but the phrase “Try to look at the little details” stuck with me. I thought it was a message directed at me regarding the wax table. I decided to rewatch Quasiluminous’ videos and took another look at the table, even though I had examined it countless times before. It was only then that I noticed the wax table was actually small and rested on a larger table with four borders. This realization made me understand that my desk didn’t need to be 6’x6’; it could be smaller. I felt foolish and stubborn for not noticing this sooner, but I also realized that my persistence, even through my mistakes, was what kept me going with the sigils and the table in the first place. I watched the video about the wax table once more, trying to determine the right dimensions for it. After some thought, I decided to make it as a square wax plate with measurements of 16”x16”. One afternoon, I melted some of the wax I had and poured it into a mold to begin shaping the new version of the table. I allowed the wax to cool and harden overnight, and the next day, I had a square piece of wax that was exactly what I needed. I punched four holes through the corners and managed to insert four candles into them. To keep the candles in place, I placed a few nails under the wax board. I then engraved some lines and the names of the four great archangels, which were easy to carve into the wax. I also engraved the pentagrams, just like the original table had. To make it resemble the original even more, I bought a gold marker and filled in the carvings, giving it a striking resemblance to the table I had envisioned.
I took the old square metal table that was behind the house and divided it into four parts, similar to the original table beneath the wax one. I gathered a few spray paints and went to a quarry in the suburbs to paint the old table. Once I finished, the table had red, green, yellow, and blue fields, with triple crosses painted on each of them. Inside each cross, I added a letter in Phoenician, with each letter representing the word of God or Yahweh.
I created four corner borders out of wax, closely resembling the original design. Using an electric saw, I cut the plywood board into four pieces, ensuring they fit perfectly on the painted table, with the small wax table placed on top.
The final design ended up being about 95% similar to the image below.
When I looked at this picture later in life, I noticed something had changed. It appeared that an additional circled line had been added.
August
Once I had finished the table and prepared all the sigils, I was eager to burn them. I tried to explain to my grandmother that I had created a table and some papers with positive intentions, and that I wanted to burn them in the garage. She wasn’t fond of the idea, so I needed to find another place. I decided to visit my family in Split and spoke to my dad. He thought my experiment was childish, but he still offered to help. After returning to the suburbs, I decided to move to Split. On August 15th, we celebrated the Assumption of the Virgin Mary, and the following day, I packed my bags and said goodbye to my grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I left the table and all the materials in the suburbs, taking the sigils with me, and cycled to Split.
A few days later, I took the family car and drove to the suburbs on my own. My dad didn’t come with me, as he wasn’t on speaking terms with anyone from the suburbs due to conflicts that arose during the division of property after my grandfather’s death.
I gathered the table and all the utensils and completely moved out of the suburbs. I then drove to Split to meet my dad. He mentioned that we would head to our village near Drniš, about an hour’s drive north. He also told me not to tell anyone, especially my mom, that we were going there. Once we arrived, I told him that I planned to record the entire process of lighting the sigils and upload it to YouTube.
We arrived at a village where we had an old, abandoned house where my grandfather from Split was born and raised. I took out all the equipment needed for the experiment and started setting up the table in the run-down house. I struggled to get everything together and considered stopping and heading back home, but my dad insisted that we finish the project. I pushed through and somehow managed to assemble a larger table made of four wooden boards that I had cut from the original larger plywood board. I secured everything by placing a colored table on top of the assembled structure. Then, I positioned the four corners of the table, followed by the wax table, which was supported by four candles. Around the table, I placed about 24 crystals, with Danny’s crystal positioned in the center of the wax table as a substitute for the crystal ball. I lit incense sticks and placed them under the wax table. I then stacked all 96 sigils in the middle of the wax table, one on top of the other. By the time I finished setting everything up, it was dark outside.
I decided to go barefoot and prepare myself for the ceremony. The reason I chose to do this was because I had read a chapter in the Bible where Moses encounters a burning bush, and God tells him to remove his sandals because he is standing on holy ground. I recalled the verse from Exodus 3:5: “Do not come near,” God said. “Take off your sandals, because the place where you stand is sacred ground.”
For me, everything around the table felt sacred, so I chose to do it this way. I lit four candles, and once they were lit, there was no turning back. I turned on my phone to record the crystals surrounding the table. After filming one circle around the wooden table, I captured footage of both the wooden and wax tables together. Then, I zoomed in on the wax table to highlight the names of the four great archangels, the smoke rising through the holes, and the sigils at the center. I paused the recording, attached the phone to an old flashlight, and set it up in landscape mode. I filmed the four lit candles and the wall behind the table to set the scene, intending to capture the moment when the sigils would burn.
I repeated the words I’d heard in the Angel of Death’s videos: “It’s adav kedavra, all you’re gonna fuckin’ die, you’re dead!” My intention wasn’t to harm anyone, but I felt compelled to say them as part of my ritual. I began the process of lighting the sigils.
Using large tweezers, I carefully held each sigil so my hand wouldn’t be visible, and also to avoid getting burned. I moved the sigils from the center of the wax table and placed a pot in the middle to catch the burning sigils, preventing the wax table from melting. I sat down beside the table and pressed play on my phone to keep recording.
I took one last look at the stack of sigils before they were consumed by the flames. They were so intricately made, and I could have admired each one for hours. There was a certain beauty in the colors, lines, curves, letters, and numbers, all perfectly symmetrical. And beyond the visual appeal, there were all the positive intentions and hopes for a better world that each sigil represented.
I lit a fifth candle next to the pot and carefully held the first sigil with tweezers. I showed it to the camera, then set it alight. The flame gradually consumed the sigil, and I continued holding it with the tweezers. Once it was nearly gone, I placed it in the pot. I picked up the next sigil and repeated the process. With each one, memories of their creation flooded my mind. After burning about 10 sigils, the task became routine—take a sigil, show it on camera, burn it, place it in the pot, and repeat. By the time I reached 20 or 30, I was growing tired, but I remained determined to complete the ritual. My father let out a heavy sigh midway through.
After about 35-45 minutes of burning the sigils, the ritual was finally complete. I stopped recording, blew out the candles on the wax table, and put my shoes back on. I felt relieved to have completed such a significant personal endeavor. My dad asked how I felt and what I thought about it, to which I replied that it seemed like a childish experiment, thinking that was what he wanted to hear. But deep down, I knew I had taken a step closer to becoming something greater.
We made our way back home in the middle of the night.
The next day, I created a new YouTube account called “II II.” I chose the four “I”s to resemble “Nobody” as much as possible while still fitting YouTube’s naming rules. In the video, “Nobody” was shown burning sigils, and no words were spoken. I edited the footage, which ended up being about 45 minutes long, and uploaded it with the title “.” and the same description.
I went to a café with my dad and tried to convince him that the Earth was flat and that he should do Blood over intent. He couldn’t understand what I was talking about. Then, he mentioned that my uncle from the suburbs had read my notebook, where I wrote and drew about everything I considered important. My uncle then told my mom that I should go to a mental institution.
A few days later, I decided to stop avoiding my reflection in the mirror. I walked into the bathroom, looked at the sink, and slowly glanced up at the mirror. For the first time in three months, I saw myself again. It felt strange to see my bearded face after all that time, but nothing extraordinary happened in terms of gaining superpowers. I was still the same person. Interestingly, I went to YouTube afterward and watched some videos by Mark and The Angel of Death. On the same day I looked in the mirror, I watched one of The Angel of Death’s videos. While the video itself was nothing extraordinary, the description caught my attention—it said, “On this day x years ago, my father died.” I couldn’t shake the feeling that he somehow knew I had looked in the mirror, and that the event had coincidentally occurred on the anniversary of his father’s death. It felt like a strange, yet pleasant, coincidence. I interpreted it as a “hidden” message: “Today, your ego died because you stopped believing in that ‘Nobody’ nonsense and accepted yourself for who you truly are.”
One afternoon, I went to the gay beach to swim with Ava. It was a windy day with rough seas, and she generally didn’t like gay beaches, but she agreed to go with me. We swam naked, as usual, in the shallow water. I wanted to have sex with her there, but the waves kept getting in the way. We left the water and spread out our towels. I told her to lie on her back, and then I penetrated her. We had sex while people walked by. They were mostly homosexual or bisexual. It felt good to have sex on the gay beach that day; it was a great experience. Towards the end, something got in my eye. It was irritating, and I felt like something was trying to sabotage a really good moment. We stopped, I washed my eye out, and we left the gay beach.
I received a call from Uncle Benny, who was having drinks with a friend at a hotel located between the gay beaches and Split. I went to meet them; it was already evening. A movie, The Reader (a 2008 romantic drama starring Kate Winslet and Ralph Fiennes), was just starting on the TV.
The film follows the story of Michael Berg, a German lawyer who reflects on his past. As a 15-year-old in 1958, he had a sexual relationship with an older woman named Hanna Schmitz.
I started to believe that everyone knew about me and Ava, and that the powerful Illuminati had somehow referenced our situation on TV to provoke me. The resemblance between Ava and Kate Winslet only deepened this suspicion in my mind.
September
I kept pursuing my quest for truth and my vision of creating Heaven on Earth. While watching one of Mark’s videos, I came across information about a secret society called Skull and Bones. Also known as The Order, Order 322, or The Brotherhood of Death, it’s an undergraduate secret student society based at Yale University in New Haven, Connecticut, USA.
There were supposedly hidden meanings behind the number 322, the most significant being a reference to Genesis 3:22: “And the Lord God said, ‘Man has now become as one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.”
I began to suspect that my younger brother’s death on March 22nd was not a suicide, but a sacrifice orchestrated by the Skull and Bones or the Illuminati. His birthdate, September 11th, led me to believe he was a special person targeted by the Illuminati.
I began to realize I was deeply immersed in conspiracy theories and needed to take a step back. However, at the same time, I found it intriguing to try and solve some kind of life puzzle. I was greatly motivated by my mother’s belief that God had something special planned for me, something I had to discover on my own.
Uncle Benny and his friend invited me out for drinks again, and I accepted. Uncle Benny’s friend smoked weed, so he and I went behind the café to get high. We returned inside to join Uncle Benny, and we all talked. At one point, Uncle Benny told me that “a political party is following me.” I initially dismissed it as just a figure of speech, but then I began to suspect he was part of the Illuminati.
At the end of September, I received a job offer selling mobile phones, laptops, tablets, and digital packages that included mobile data, internet, and TV. I was scheduled to start at the beginning of October. The store, called VIP, was one of many across Croatia. It was located in a mall near my building and the mall was called “Joker”. I noticed a number of billboards around the city advertising something new and still unknown.
October
On October 1, 2018, I started my new job at the VIP store, only to find it had been renamed A1. It was an interesting first day, learning the ropes of the job. When I got home, I noticed all those mysterious billboards had been updated to reflect the A1 branding. I wondered if this change had anything to do with me. This was the first job where I signed a contract, and I had the feeling the Illuminati were aware of my every move. I connected the “A” in A1 to the first letter of my name, noting its resemblance to a Masonic pyramid. The “1” in A1, I interpreted as a reference to “The One,” like the main character in The Matrix.
I continued to work there, but I didn’t catch up with all the information. I worked with one girl and she mentioned Freemasons several times. I thought she and everyone else were after me. I was given some simple tasks like cutting little papers containing prices of the products using scissors. After I got home I saw that YouTube channel “ANTICHRIST” uploaded a video of himself standing in front of a graffiti. The graffiti contained a word “Joker”, the same name of a mall I worked in. At the same time the guy was mimicking scissors cutting motion using his hand while grinning. I didn’t like the job, so I quit about two weeks later.
As time passed, I grew weary of all the perceived “coincidences” and assumptions. I wanted to escape that mindset, but I still felt a strong desire to save the world. I reflected on the world’s cruelty and how not only people, but also animals, suffer. While I initially wanted to save every human being, I shifted my focus to saving every animal. I researched how humans use and abuse animals, and it was sickening to realize that animals were being killed so humans could eat them. I watched videos of animals being tortured and slaughtered; cows could clearly be seen crying moments before their deaths. I wanted to fight against this powerful, imposed norm by not eating animals.
After further research, I discovered it wasn’t just about meat. There were also eggs, milk, honey, various sweets, and other animal products to consider.
All of these contained products of animal origin, and it seemed pointless to fight against the current. I decided to go vegan and eat only plant- based foods. I didn’t want to take anything from animals. I felt bad about even eating plants, so I explored breatharianism (living on air) and sungazing, hoping to minimize suffering in the world.
One day, I took it a step further. I consumed only water and bread for an entire day. I felt grateful for even having bread and water. I hoped God would notice my sacrifice and bring Heaven to Earth as quickly as possible. The bread and water tasted exceptionally good to me because they were the only things I had to eat and drink. By the end of the day, I felt weak and sick, so the next day I returned to my vegan diet. This experience made me appreciate vegan food even more. I avoided butter and used peanut butter and plant-based butter substitutes instead.
November
In November, I considered joining a monastery and spending the rest of my life in prayer and solitude, away from this terrible world. I researched different monastic orders and learned about the Carthusians. They were one of the strictest orders, and the only issue I found was that they raised and ate fish. However, I was intrigued by the fact that there were groups of people who chose to live ascetically. I watched a documentary about French Carthusians. I felt a calling from God to join the Carthusian monastic order and learned of a Carthusian monastery in Slovenia. I emailed them, and they replied that God calls us in many ways and that I was welcome to visit them.
I looked for something closer and discovered a hermit-style monastery on the island of Mljet, about 60 miles south of Split. I emailed them, and they invited me to visit in February 2019. I was excited that something so special was so close to me, and I eagerly awaited February 2019.
I began attending Holy Mass daily and participating in Holy Communion. I frequently confessed my sins to priests; even sinful dreams were confessed. A priest explained that we aren’t responsible for what happens in our dreams. I prayed the rosary devoutly, reciting prayers like the “Our Father” and “Hail Mary.” I asked my mother for a rosary, and I would go to my room, turn off the lights, kneel down, and pray. Kneeling was often painful, but I viewed it as a way to atone for my sins and sacrifice myself for Heaven on Earth.
I would wake up at 4:30 in the morning and go for a walk while praying the rosary. Afterward, I would attend the first Holy Mass of the day, which was at 7:00 am. There were usually only a few older people present, and I was always the youngest in the mostly empty church. I always arrived 15 minutes early and waited for the vicar to ring the bell. Then, the priests would enter the church and stand before the altar.
I thought about the times when Mark Braun said in his videos that Catholics unconsciously make an upside down cross when they cross themselves. All participants in the Holy Mass would cross themselves, saying: “In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen”. I would watch the priests as they crossed themselves and they would really make an upside- down cross pattern from the forehead down to the chest and then to the shoulders.
I looked forward to the daily Bible readings and always found what I believed to be hidden messages directed at me. The sermon, usually part of the mass, was omitted due to the small number of attendees and the early hour.
After Holy Mass, I met an elderly man who, like me, attended church every day. We walked home together, as our paths were similar. I told him about my desire to join a monastery, and he spoke to me about the importance of God. He did most of the talking and was a bit tedious. I recalled the Bible verse Matthew 5:41: “If someone forces you to walk one mile, go two miles with him.” Instead of going straight home, I would walk him to his place, listen to whatever he wanted to say, and only then would I go home. I hoped that God would see how diligently I followed His word and bring about Heaven on Earth sooner.
@Limbo 
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