January
At the start of 2024, I received a Facebook message from Barby Jo. We spoke on the phone, and he told me he was in Split and wanted to meet up. He mentioned he’d had drinks with Jim and Danny. I felt nervous, worried that everyone from high school knew about my psychotic episode and the naked running incident. Despite my social anxieties, I accepted the invitation, and we met the following day. It was great to see Barby Jo after so many years. I also greeted Danny, and a few minutes later, Jim joined us. They were all in relationships—Danny was married, and his wife was pregnant, while Jim had experienced some hair loss. I didn’t mention anything about my psychosis.
On a rainy January 17th, we set off for Herzegovina to visit Barby Joe. The 1.5-hour car ride left me feeling claustrophobic, and I immediately regretted my decision to go.
We arrived in Ljubuški and met up with Barby Jo. We went to a restaurant and ordered a pizza. After a brief conversation, I opened up to them about my claustrophobia and the unease I was feeling. I also shared that I “had experienced a psychosis that was a frightening, uncomfortable, and horrible experience.” I didn’t mention the naked running incident. They were very understanding and compassionate about what I’d been through.
February
I reconnected with Barby Jo, Jim, and Danny. Jim and Danny still lived in Split, so we went out for drinks together a few times. I also became close friends with Sandy. My interest in the Mr. Flossich YouTube channel, however, significantly declined.
March
On March 11th, I stopped uploading new videos to the Mr. Flossich channel. By that point, it had amassed approximately 150 subscribers and 57,000 views.
My doctors, Dr. Lucy and my psychiatrist in Split, both agreed that I was recovering well. I learned that the chances of experiencing another psychotic episode are 97% if I stop taking my medication on my own. However, if I discontinue medication under the guidance of my doctors and continue with regular check-ups, the probability of another episode decreases to approximately 20%.
I began sleeping without pants or socks.
I purchased a brand new, high-end pair of wireless headphones: the Bowers & Wilkins Px8 007 Edition. They cost $750, and initially, they sounded no different than my old $90 headphones. However, after a week of use, I noticed a significant improvement in sound quality, and they began to sound fantastic.
April
My recovery was going exceptionally well, and my work life was stable. This positive momentum inspired me to write a book about my experiences. I had a strong desire for the book to make a positive impact on the world. My doctors and I discussed this, and they felt that such aspirations were healthy, provided I kept my expectations realistic and didn’t become overly ambitious. I reasoned that, even if the book didn’t reach a wide audience, it would be a valuable tool for Dr. Lucy, essentially replacing 100 to 200 therapy sessions. Given that each session was an hour long and occurred every other week, our progress was gradual, but we were moving forward. I began writing this book on April 13, 2024.
As I was writing my book on my cell phone, I realized that I needed a laptop because my fingers were starting to hurt. I opted for a used, refurbished, and inexpensive Lenovo laptop.
I hoped it would be the best $250 I’d ever spent.
May
Writing this book brought back memories and feelings from earlier parts of my life, and I realized how far I’d come. I still hoped to die within the next few years. I recalled stories of near-death experiences, where people described their entire life flashing before their eyes. It was a final, almost magical wish of mine: to read this book, to see my life story laid out before me in all its complexity, and then to die. I pictured myself in the afterlife, consciously avoiding the bright light often described after death, choosing instead to go into the darkness. I even imagined being apprehended by the archons, as described on “The Angel of Death” YouTube channel, while my eyes were closed, recalling The Angel of Death’s warning: “No one upon seeing the face of Death is able to save himself.”
My brother, a newly graduated maritime engineer, was preparing to board his ship in a few weeks. I lived with him and my mother. Often, when I returned home from work, he would be asleep on the living room couch. I would sometimes have the unsettling thought that he was dead, just like my late brother, Henry. On one occasion, while he was sleeping, he moved his hand to the back of his head, which partially opened one of his eyes. I was transfixed by the sight of someone sleeping with their eye slightly open, and I noticed his eye moving smoothly beneath the lid. It was a disturbing yet fascinating sight. At another time, I experienced intrusive thoughts, wondering what would happen if I took a large kitchen knife and stabbed him in the eyes. I had no desire to act on these intrusive thoughts, but I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if I were suddenly overcome by a similar urge, like the one that led me to run naked through Split. I remembered the woman from the Day hospital who expressed her fear of doing something harmful, and I felt saddened by my own thoughts. I took some comfort in the knowledge that simply thinking about something doesn’t automatically lead to doing it. I experienced similar intrusive thoughts when my father visited from Zagreb. Seeing him asleep on the living room couch would trigger the same thoughts about the knife and his eyes.
June
I celebrated my 30th birthday. I discussed with my psychiatrists the possibility of suing the news outlets and websites that had published the uncensored video of me running naked through Split. My doctors encouraged me to explore this option, and I hoped for a significant financial settlement and the removal of the videos. I contacted several lawyers, but it turned out that it was too late. The statute of limitations had expired, and I was no longer able to take legal action. I suppose I was too preoccupied with saving the world and creating videos about the Holy Grail to pursue it at the time.
The hot summer weather led me to sleep without clothes, socks, or even sheets. My body temperature regulation seemed to have returned to normal.
July
On July 14th, 2024, I completed the first draft of this book. It was a very rough and unedited version, totaling 137 pages in Word, containing 77,557 words.
My dreams were vivid and I enjoyed sleeping. My dream settings often revisited or altered familiar locations like the warehouse, the suburbs, Split, and Zagreb.
Sometimes, I would dream about something, and it would later happen in real life— déjà vu. I continued my practice of crossing myself and thanking the God of Solomon for everything I could think of. I had begun to sleep less and wake up more easily, even messaging Dr. Lucy about this positive change. However, about a week later, I reverted to sleeping excessively and struggling to wake up. My appetite also fluctuated between extreme hunger, which I somehow managed to tolerate, and an overwhelming need for food.
My usual morning routine consisted of a Coca-Cola, coffee, and cigarettes. I was smoking about a pack a day.
August
In early August 2024, I developed a new worldview. I came to believe that only 144,000 people were truly real, while the rest were merely empty vessels animated by artificial intelligence. This idea provided a framework that seemed to explain everything to me. I became convinced that our world was a computer simulation, with Adam and Eve as the first AI-generated humans. Even the animals in the Garden of Eden, I reasoned, were constructs of artificial intelligence. The significance of this AI element, in my mind, was that it meant no one could truly be harmed except for the 144,000 real individuals.
I began to believe that I was originally from Heaven and chose to come to Earth, along with 144,000 other heavenly souls, to explore the fundamental questions of existence. These questions included: “Why does existence exist?”, “Who is the creator of all reality?”, and “What is the ultimate origin and end?” We co-exist on Earth with AI-created humans. The Earth simulation, as I perceived it, is 6,000 years old, and the 144,000 “real” people have been placed here within the last few decades.
According to this belief system, the reason the 144,000 chose to live on Earth was to gain knowledge and understanding that they lacked in Heaven. It’s posited that AI humans also exist in Heaven, and that the AI humans on Earth are essentially copies of their heavenly counterparts. The idea is that it’s impossible to distinguish between a “real” person from the 144,000 and an AI human, as their outward appearances and behaviors are identical.
My belief system at this time included the idea that God in Heaven was both real and not real. Real, in the sense that we, the heavenly beings, created this world as a means of discovery, which in turn made us all gods. Not real, in that there wasn’t a personal God, but rather a kind of universal force. I recalled Mark Braun’s statement about “people watching this shit above the dome on their computer screens,” and I believed we were part of some kind of reality show being observed. I thought that upon leaving this Earthly realm, we would finally reunite with our true families and the original versions of the people whose copies populated this world. Ultimately, I concluded that no one, anywhere, possessed the answers to the fundamental questions of existence, and that perhaps no one ever would.
I also entertained the idea that Earth was a kind of prison for me, a consequence of evil deeds committed in a past life. At times, I even believed I was the only real person alive, and that everyone else was an AI construct, a projection of my own subconscious.
I reflected on Ava, Stacey, and Amber. I also recalled the educated priest I met at Barby Jo’s house during my visit a year prior, and how, despite his learning, he seemed unaware of the “truth” as I now perceived it.
I experienced suicidal thoughts, and because I lived in a sixth-floor apartment in a different neighborhood, I imagined myself jumping from the building or a window. I also had suicidal thoughts while at work.
At times, I would watch pornography in an attempt to “force my sexuality.” I found a pornographic actress named Leigh Darby. She was from the UK and reminded me somewhat of Ava, particularly in a scene where she was with a young, slim, white man who looked more like a boy than a man.
I gave my bicycle to my father, as I hadn’t used it in years.
I continued writing this book, and one day, my fingers began to ache from the extensive typing.
September
On September 1st, I came down with a cold. My thoughts were consumed by Ava. I longed to see her, but simultaneously, I was haunted by my troubled past and the fear that she would despise me if she knew everything. I even felt a physical ache in my abdomen as I thought about her. Despite feeling ill, the idea of seeing her again excited me. I checked her WhatsApp status, something I hadn’t done in a while, and saw a picture of a boat at sea. I then uploaded my own status, making sure she could see it.
Later, Ava posted a new status, a picture of herself smiling. I interpreted this as a sign that she might want to see me again. Eventually, I saw that she had viewed my status. This gave me a bittersweet feeling. I longed to see her, but I also remembered how I used to see her as someone who attracted trouble.
I scheduled a session with Dr. Lucy for September 3rd. During our meeting, we discussed my relationship with Ava. Dr. Lucy suggested that I could contact Ava if I wished, but cautioned me against having unrealistic expectations.
After my therapy session, I sent Ava a message. I told her that I would like to see her, but also that I was still recovering from psychosis and didn’t want to burden her with that. I also mentioned that I had previously seen her as someone who attracted problems.
The following day, Ava replied, telling me that she didn’t want any kind of relationship with me. I responded by saying that it was probably for the best. I felt a familiar pain in my stomach. That same day, I tested positive for COVID-19 again.
I completed the unedited English version of this book in the early hours of September 23, 2024. The manuscript reached 215 pages in Word, containing 106,993 words.
After consulting a very talented editor for this book I finally uploaded the final version on my website, atlimbo.com, on 04/21/2025 @3:00 p.m. CET. There were 383 pages containing 102,858 words.
During the writing process, I primarily listened to Ibiza Sensations—house music mixes by Spanish DJ, Luis Del Villar.
@Limbo 
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